Mar 29

Mar 29 Essay | We’re Divorcing Over Coke Zero

Based on a true story.

Over the last few weeks, my husband has become a “Coke Zero Guy”. He brings it up when we see a commercial for Coke on TV, when we talk about lunch, or even when he goes to get one of his non-alcoholic drinks from the fridge. His view is that Coke Zero has zero calories and no sugar so it’s therefore a “neutral drink.” Not good, not bad, just neutral. And, obviously, that means it’s good for you.

He’s claimed it’s “guilt-free,” “delicious AND nutritious,” and even, “the healthier choice.”

We’ve gone back and forth about it’s “health benefits” but tonight, as we both squeezed into our son’s playpen to stack cups that would immediately be knocked over, he told our son, very frankly, “your mom and dad are getting divorced.”

Zero Calories

His claim: It has zero calories and is therefore not impacting him positively or negatively.

This one makes me the most heated so I’m going to start here. It doesn’t have zero calories. It literally can’t. That, to me, feels like total nonsense.

My thinking is, if you’re consuming something, your body is doing something with that food or drink. It’s going through your stomach, breaking down into goop, and unless you’re eating a marble, it will come out the other side as… well, not that food or drink. It must be doing something with its contents and therefore getting energy (or calories) from that food or drink, right?

Here’s where I was wrong— a product can actually have zero calories. Water, for instance, has zero calories. But zero calories does not indicate whether something is good or bad for you. All it means is that your body doesn’t get energy (calories) from its contents. Like I said, water has zero calories, but it’s good for you because your body uses it for basically everything in your body, from regulating temperature with sweat to keeping your brain hydrated. Artificially sweetened drinks might say they have zero calories, but that’s mostly because your body either can’t fully break them down or the amount of energy they provide is so small, it doesn’t even count. So like, what’s the point?

Also, the FDA allows any product under 5 calories per serving to list itself as “zero calories”. So while it says “zero,” there is no way for the average consumer to verify whether it’s truly zero calories. In Europe, you can see that Coke Zero is listed between 1-4 calories per can.

Verdict: Literally not zero calories and even so, that isn’t relative to its “health benefits.”

No Sugar

His claim: Since it doesn’t have real sugar, it’s better for you.

I can see where he’s coming from here, but he’s still wrong.

Coca-Cola, like many products in the States, doesn’t even use real sugar anyway, so kudos to the marketing team here. These products are typically made with high-fructose corn syrup rather than sugar, which is cheaper and sweeter. It is also linked with more cases of fatty liver, obesity, and insulin resistance than sugar.

In the case of Coke Zero, instead of high fructose corn syrup, the drink is sweetened with a blend of aspartame and acesulfame potassium (Ace-K). Aspartame alone is 200 times sweeter than sugar, so much less of it is needed to sweeten the soda. “You know, like fentanyl.” <- real quote from my husband.

On that note, it kind of is? Both are very concentrated versions of an addictive substance. Both can be used in really small amounts without terrible health effects. And as someone who was given fentanyl as a pain reliever during labor, I can tell you, like Coke Zero… 1 star, would not recommend to a friend.

I’m frustrated to tell you that I couldn’t find conclusive evidence that, even though this can’t possibly be good for you, it isn’t terrible for you.

But that can’t be true, right?

Verdict: Whatever.

Not Addictive

His claim: Without real sugar, it’s not addictive.

The way my husband talks about Coke Zero is the same way someone talks right before they’re about to have an intervention.

Verdict: Disregarding the 34 milligrams of caffeine per 12oz can, go talk to someone who is a Coke Zero convert and tell me it’s not addictive.

Delicious

His claim: It’s delicious. It tastes just like real Coke.

Please.

Their marketing campaign states, “Best Coke Ever?” and it’s just not. You know how Diet Coke tastes like a tin can? Coke Zero is like 75% Coke and 25% Diet Coke.

I should also note, I’m not a Coke hater.

Do I come from a Pepsi household? Yes. Have I seen my mother insult waiters with her facial expressions as they explain that they only have Coke and “is that ok instead?” You might as well have offered her pig’s blood. But there is nothing like a glass bottle of Coca-Cola or, even better, Mexican Coke (which is imported from Mexico and uses real sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup). I can fondly remember specific times when I’ve drank Coke from a glass bottle. Not one time drinking Pepsi is memorable.

Still, no.

Verdict: Coke Zero isn’t even the best Coke.

And Nutritious

His claim: Because of everything above, it is good for you.

What are you talking about? If I have learned anything as a child of the 90s, it’s that soda is bad for you and this new drink called “water” is good for you. Are you telling me the adults would lie to us?

I’ll give you this—it may be better for you than regular Coke. But that’s also assuming you need to drink a soda and your only options are Coke and Coke Zero. Like, you don’t have to drink soda at all.

Coke Zero is less un-nutritious when compared to other soda drinks in the same category, but not nutritious at all when you have the option of any drink, which you kind of do.

Plus, if your body is drinking something and not getting anything out of it, isn’t that a waste and therefore not good for you?

Verdict: The way fruit snacks are “made with real fruit” is the same way Coke Zero is “nutritious.”