Wonder Woman 1984 Snarky Synopsis and Review

Let me start by saying, this is literally the plot of WW84. That’s what a synopsis is. It also has my review of the movie throughout and at the end.

Ok so here’s the plot of WW84 - we start in the 80s for a reason that’s not explained. Someone robs a jewelry store that’s been fronting for a black market operation of antiquities... a stone is found in the recovered items which Kristen Wiig, a nerd who works at the museum with Diana (WW), helps to identify. 

Diana ends up identifying it immediately as a stone that grants wishes for a price... something from the old gods. Diana and Barbara (Kristen Wiig) both wish for something not knowing it would come true even though we literally just went over what the stone does. It was literally written on the stone.

Then, there’s this other guy, the guy from the Mandalorian and from Game of Thrones who had his eyes popped by the Mountian... his oil business (because it’s the 80s) is floundering and so his health, and he clearly doesn’t care about when it’s his weekend with his son. 

Somehow he found out about this ancient stone and has been obsessing over it for a long time. Which means he would have had to go to the library to look up “stones that grant wishes” in the Dewey Decimal system at his local library. 

He tracks the stone down to the museum and starts hitting on Kristen Wiig’s character, Barbara, now super hot since she wished to be like Diana. Who knew all she’d have to do was take off her glasses?

He steals the stone from Barbara's office while they make out and ends up wishing to BE the stone. There’s lots of wind.

On the same night that this guy steals the stone, Diana runs into her one true love, Steve, who passed away in the last movie, which was set in WWII. (Can someone fact check that WW doesn’t age?) But he’s a different guy, like a different actor, but Diana can tell that Steve is living through this random guy who we briefly see when Steve looks into a mirror.

How could he come back to life (sort of)? They wonder as they do an 80s montage of outfits from this random guy’s wardrobe for no reason because the clothes he was already wearing were fine and similar to what he changes into.

The oil guy starts asking people to wish for things from him (cause he identifies as a stone now) and in return, he takes their most valuable thing from them for his own benefit. Ya know, like how Ariel got feet but lost her voice.

Barbara realizes that when she takes off her glasses she’s hot AND is now getting stronger... what? This must mean Diana has super strength?!?! This newfound charisma is making her appear like a strong, confident woman. This may sound positive but remember, it’s the 80s and that type of thing still makes people uncomfortable.

There’s a big to-do in Egypt when the oil guy trades all the oil from an actual successful oil tycoon/dictator for the dictator’s wish of giving the Egyptian land back to the people of its heritage. Bad wish considering the dictator isn’t a direct descendant so he gets exiled right away 🤦‍♀️😅😬

Diana shows us that she has the ability to make this invisible. Cool. The first time we see this is when Steve and Diana steal an old plane to fly from DC to Egypt. Good thing it had enough fuel! And did you know that invisibility takes you off of the radar? Me neither?! AND! AND! Steve was like, “Diana, I know we have to get to Egypt ASAP but I’ve never seen fireworks before and they look like beautiful explosives in the sky! Let’s fly through the explosions real quick before we go. Promise we won’t get hit!” And they didn’t. Swoon. 🤢🤮

While the oil guy tries to get away, Diana and Steve fight him and his newly gained security detail on a desert road where she notices her powers getting weaker. Uh oh! And the bad guy gets away?! Never!

Back in the states, Barbara, Diana, and Steve meet up with a stoner of Mayan heritage (wearing a rasta-cap in case you couldn’t tell he was a stoner) who tells them about how the stone ruined the Mayan civilization by their greedy wishes, nothing to do with the Spanish invasion, and Diana realizes that they have to revoke their wishes to stop it all. 

Diana can’t bear the thought of losing fake Steve and imagine if Barbara had to wear glasses again?! Gross. I mean totally not worth saving the world from total destruction.

Oil guy gets wish after wish from people as he starts bleeding from different orifices... ears are more of a religious wish but war type requests are a nose bleed type of thing. He wants more, bigger things, he’s becoming Golem.

Diana tries to stop a meeting between the oil guy and a very delirious Ronald Reagan type president. Suddenly, Barbara stops her in a big fight in the White House.

Oil guy steals authority from the president and broadcasts to everyone at the same type using US government technology that’s “very impressive”... satellite.

Everyone starts wishing for everything and the whole world erupts into greedy and vengeful wishes. The oil guy is basking in his newly gained power as wishes flood in... the only wish that’s not granted for an unexplainable reason is the oil guy’s son wishing that his dad would stop this and come home. 

Diana admits she must revoke her wish to be with Steve again to gain her strength back. After a brief make-out session on the street amidst chaos and murder ensuing... Diana revokes her wish, Steve is gone, and now she’s real fucking mad. 

Wonder Woman learns to fly real quick.

She then arrives at the underground facility where the oil guy is broadcasting but is met by the newly enhanced Barbara, in the comics known as Cheetah. 

After a brief fight, WW electrocutes Cheetah underwater, but like only enough to knock her out so she can defeat the oil guy. (Can someone fact check why WW isn’t electrocuted underwater?)

Turns out WW can’t reach the oil guy. Like physically can’t reach him from the radius of the wishing winds surrounding him. Good thing she gets on the broadcast and makes a short speech telling everyone to revoke their wish in order to prevent WWIII from starting. It’s literally a shit show outside.

She ends her speech by showing the oil guy the truth about his son, who is right now crying out for his dad while he somehow ended up on an apocalyptic looking highway off-ramp, alone. Like where this kid’s mother is is beyond me.

Now oil guy realizes that his son is calling for him and gives it all up to go hug his son, who tells him that he wished his dad would come home.

I guess since it’s the one wish that wasn’t granted it’s ok that it’s the one wish that wasn’t revoked.

“I’ll always love you, daddy, cause you’re my dad”

A sweet embrace after a dogshit lesson on forgiveness and we cut to a winter scene as Diana admires the beauty of life around her. And wouldn’t you know it, runs into the guy Steve was embodying.

End of film.

After the credits, the original WW (Linda Carter) makes a quick cameo for a scene where she saves a baby from a falling pole at a farmers market and says her name... Archipelago .... or whatever Amazonian name it was. The important thing is the name was that of a great warrior from Diana’s home... planet? Island? But it was one that Diana references earlier in the movie as the greatest warrior her people had ever seen and had sacrificed herself to save all the Amazonian woman from man. Like literally showed a flashback in the movie of her in this big gold suit with wings fighting against like spartan looking, wild men. 

Again, end of film.

Would not recommend.